JOKES for Old People

A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their ailments:

"My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can't see to pour my coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive."

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather -- who died peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said, "I don't think you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."
"How much?" asked Grandpa.
"$10 a pill," answered the son.
"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill."
The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110."
"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

As a senior citizen was driving down Interstate 95 in Florida, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car driving the wrong way on I-95 - please be careful!"
"Hell," muttered Herman, "It's not just one... It's hundreds of them!"

Three ladies are playing cards. One of them says, "I feel so old. I get tired just walking to the mailbox."
The second lady says, "I feel so old. I have a hard time getting up the stairs."
And the third lady says, "Well, thank God we still have our faculties, knock on wood!" (simultaneously knocking on wood) Then she says (after hearing the knock) "I'll get the door."

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